July 2006
Saturday, 7-29-6
They got me! I have been claimed by the cult of MySpace.com! Oh the horror!
I was talking with Fred and he told me that found a friend of ours from high school. One of the few people from those days that I wish I had been able to stay in contact with. He was a really great guy and I miss him when I start to feel nostalgic and melancholy.
He has a MySpace account and Fred mentioned another person from the "Old Skool Daze" that had resurfaced through SkyNet (MySpace). So in order to try to contact my old friend, I let Teresa set me up with a MySpace account. She was giddy that I had relented and given in to the "norm". I feel dirty.
You can find Teresa's MySpace page here
Tuesday, 7-25-6
I was driving along the river and I noticed the trees again. They all grow to the same height. I noticed the same thing a few years ago when we were down at a friend's house on the river. When I said something about it, they all just looked at me like I had just smoked a big fat bag of crack.
Why don't we see the occasional oddball tree that grows 20' higher than the rest, sticking out above the others? Because trees of the same type tend to grow in the same area? Because there are physical limits to the height of trees? And why do I only notice this when I'm alongside a river? The perspective changes? I'm not in the midst of trees trying to judge the height compared to those trees around me? I just can't see the smaller trees? Why does this bother me so much? In the city all the trees are different heights. Alongside a river, they are all uniform. What are they hiding in there?
Monday, 7-24-6
"By the way, which one's Pink?"
We play this really cool game called "Riff". It's a bunch of music trivia questions and we have a lot of fun. Every round there is a "ping-pong" round where they throw out a category and each team throws out answers in turn until one team is out of viable answers. These rounds have gone on for over an hour and every one of them has caused bloodshed because it is up to us to decide what an acceptable answer is. Fred and Kasey also have the game and they have reported the same problem.
The category is "Bands that begin with the letter O". One of my answers was "Ozzy Osbourne". They refuse to allow it as an answer. They say Ozzy is a person and not a band. I say that once that name is used to identify the band in total, it counts as a band. If you go buy "Diary Of A Madman" in the store, it is filed under O. The name on the CD says Ozzy Osbourne. The band performs under the name "Ozzy Osbourne". Unless it's a reverse karaoke CD where you only here Ozzy singing, the band falls under that title. They disagree.
People that are well known and name their bands after themselves often have revolving band member syndrome. They wanted to use that against me. OK, then does "KISS" or "Guns n' Roses" count as bands? Of course they do. They have new line-ups and there is certainly a megalomaniacal center of the band. Some people that are well known actually have a name for their band. "Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band", "James Brown and the Famous Flames", "Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine". On them, I'd agree, the band has a separate identity from the singer. But I've never heard of "Ozzy Osbourne and the Headless Doves".
What about "NineInchNails"? Band? But it's one guy. He hires a band when he goes out on tour but he plays/records everything on the CD. A one-man-band, but still a band. Now if he recorded under the name "Trent Reznor" would he still be a band? Nothing changed but the name, is he a band?
So, I posed the following scenario to Fred:
Imagine everyone in the room is in a band. We call the band "XYZ". Are we a band? Of course the answer is yes.
Imagine everyone in the room is in a band. We call the band "Fred Mitchell". Are we a band? The answer was no. Bands named after people are not bands?
What about "Lynyrd Skynyrd"?
Well, if we go that direction, they'll start throwing "Madonna" and "Celine Dijon" at me. In order to head that one off, Heffner suggested The Bus Rule. The bus rule states, "If the band members travel on the same bus as the singer, then they are a band. If the singer travels alone, they are not a band." I like this rule. You know damn well Madonna isn't riding on the same bus as the people playing the music. According to the bus rule, Madonna is a singer, Ozzy is a band because although he might not travel with the band every time, we have all heard stories about Ozzy and the band on the bus and that means I win the argument, I win the game. I love instituting rules that back me up; It's good ta be da King!
Speaking of "the King", I have another point to make and this one is AGAINST me. See, I'm fair (kind of). I'll throw out a name, you tell me who it is:
Elvis
Who did you come up with? If you said Elvis Costello I want you to close your browser window, open up your "Favorites" and "Cookies" folders and delete any reference to this webpage. Go away and simply don't come back. There is only one person allowed to go by simply, "Elvis". Love him or hate him, he's Elvis.
That being said, I'm feeling guilty because in one of the rounds, the category was, "Artists That Go By One Name". I slipped Elvis through and I'm not so sure he counts. He had (and used) a full name. Record stores file his music under "P", I think I should have been told no on that one. But I wasn't so, I still win!
I'm not usually much of a braggart when I win a game, I normally just smile and have fun. But this game is cut-throat and vicious. I will proclaim my victory from the peaks of the mountains!
Saturday, 7-15-6
I was working in the panhandle and had to do some testing at Tyndall AFB. I just happened that while I was there, they were doing some showing off of the new Raptors. Man those things are cool. They just disappear after take-off. Straight up into the sky, climbing at what has to be an inhuman rate.
I started thinking about test pilots. They used to run out in the deserts and out of secret bases. Now that everyone has cameras and the internet, where do they do the super-secret testing of new aircraft? They really can't do it on land anywhere anymore. And an aircraft carrier wouldn't give them true-life launch/take-offs. If they did, and an experimental plane crashed at sea, they wouldn't be able to recover the craft to troubleshoot the cause. Would they attempt to recover the body? What would they tell the family? Where were they told he was?
Monday, 7-10-6
There is a church here in Jacksonville that used to wield great political power. They own 12 city blocks in the prime downtown area. When their services let out, they actually shut down the main streets through downtown to direct traffic in/out of their parking garages. Their leader (since retired) has made national news with his bigoted statements and was actually the catalyst for me to start writing what has become this ongoing commentary on everyday BS.
The most interesting thing to me about the church is their choice in symbols. About 7 or 8 years ago, they decide to build a 10 story lighthouse in the center of downtown. A lighthouse complete with revolving light. It's 16 miles to the beach. A lighthouse in the middle of downtown. They have gotten complaints that the light is shining into people's windows but still, I see it lit up when I come through downtown at night.
I was sick of the standard "It's a beacon in the darkness" line when a friend asked me, "What is a lighthouse?"
Right! Is it not a warning? A beacon showing you where the danger is? Ask any sailor, when he's in a storm and afraid he's going to end up on the rocks, does he aim FOR the lighthouse or AWAY from the lighthouse? Away, right? So why do all these churches use a lighthouse as their symbols? Makes no sense to me. I can just imagine the meeting that they must have had. Any large corporation has to have meetings before they spend this type of money right?
Surely, Mr. Vines didn't wake up one morning and say, "God told me to build a lighthouse in the middle of downtown Jacksonville", and then the congregation said, "Then we shall build it, no matter the cost, no matter the ridicule we shall suffer from those with whole brains."
Please, please, PLEASE tell me it took more thought than that. I imagine it went something along the lines of, "How can we stimulate our growth as a church, shall we feed and clothe the homeless and poor of Jacksonville or shall we build a huge-fuck-all-monument that makes no sense?" And the sheep bleated, "Fuck the poor! If the poor are hungry, they can dig through the dumpsters of our huge cafeteria. If they are homeless, they can sleep in one of our five 4-story parking garages! Our leader needs a monument to his genius; we shall build our Pharaoh's tomb."
Maybe it was more like they just decided that since the homeless seem to really enjoy sleeping on steps, they built a lighthouse so that they could provide more steps. See? Cynical-me just wanted to imagine the worst but in reality, they were being sooo considerate.
Sunday, 7-9-6
Weapons of Mass Destruction.
So it comes down to this, we suspected Iraq has WMD so we go over there full-force and tear the place apart, finding, nothing.
We KNOW N. Korea has them and we are negotiating? Is there a reason? Other than the sheer numbers and predictability of an outcome? Maybe the bad memories surrounding the first time we went toe-to-toe with Korea?
They are dangerous. They have exposed their Type-o-Dong to us and we didn't respond in kind? Maybe we should have whipped out our own type-o-dongs and waved them back in their face. Who know how many types of dongs they have? We must identify and eliminate each of their types-of-dong.
Don't they know that it is OUR job to police the world? Sure we bitch about it and say we should be more of an isolationist country but making the world behave through fear of utter destruction is our position in the world. Peace through superior firepower. The reason it is our job and not anyone else's is because we are one of the only ones that (officially and most importantly, publicly) plays by the rules. Everyone in the world knows that they can trust us. We play fair in war and would never actually follow through on our threats, or so we hope. "Sure you can trust us, we always keep our word." Just ask any of our native tribes if you can trust the government, that's if you can FIND any!
Saturday, 7-8-6
The TV has claimed me as a victim. I have succumbed to its evil charms.
I occasionally do a little side work drawing up building and fire alarm details on the computer. I'd love to do more of the side work than my regular job. I just love drawing in CAD. I had a fairly large assignment that was due in 2 weeks. I was given the job on Friday evening so I took it on the road with me so I could work on it a little at night and then finish it at home the following weekend. Monday afternoon, I was called and asked to have it in by Tuesday morning. It seems the administrator of the facility got into a pissing contest with the fire marshal. The fire marshal ALWAYS wins these things. Always. Even if he is over-ruled, it is normally at the end of a lengthy and expensive mediation. I told Harvey I would see what I could do because I had only just started on the project. I had to create the entire floor plan from scratch and it was a large and complex building.
Of course, I was already up early on Monday to drive to Miami and that night I ended up working until 7pm and didn't get back to the hotel until 8. Tired but determined, I began drawing and saving the files by naming them by the clock. By the time I saved the 630 file, I was ready to pass out. They weren't finished but they had everything related to the fire alarm and all of the walls in place on the general floor plan. The entire North and West wings were missing windows, doors and fixtures but I got what I could. Short of calling in sick to work, I couldn't get any more today. I jumped in the shower and went to work. It felt like I was getting ripped off by the hotel, they charged me for the room but I never even touched the bed.
I got the call later in the afternoon; they loved the drawings and based on what we had, they let work continue at the jobsite and asked Harvey if we could get the completed drawings in by Thursday morning. I said "sure thing" and was happy that I would have a chance to finish the drawings. I hated leaving them unfinished.
That night, as you can imagine, I was thoroughly exhausted. I probably went straight to bed right? Well if not straight to bed, I probably tried to finish the drawings right? Nope, on the way back to the hotel, Heffner and I stopped at the liquor store. We sat in his room talking shit, listening to music, smoking and drinking until 1am. We do this when we can just to blow off steam. On nights where the stress is high and we don't have any critical work in the morning, we "Get Crowned".
I figure at 1am I've been up for 45 straight hours. I hit the bed and rather than go to sleep, I check out what's on TV. WHY!?!?! I hate television!!! I was tired and ready to get some serious sleep, what the hell was I thinking by turning on the TV? I don't know but I remember waking up at 4am to a guy speaking rapid-fire Spanish trying to sell me a car. I figure it's like those old subliminal learning tapes. My subconscious wanted to learn Spanish and it thought I was going to wake up like Neo in the Matrix but instead of "I know KungFu" it would be "Se hablar espanol."
The next night I worked until 10pm and ended up finishing the drawings at 4:30am. I really only had 2 and a half more hours on them and was cleanly done by 1am but there were so many other little "Ohh, I could tweak this and make it look better" moments. The drawings are now on file in Tallahassee and bear the seal of the State of Florida. Not bad considering I slept about 8 hours in 5 days.
Friday, 7-7-6
We just got back from the movies. We went to go see "The Empire Strikes Back". Well we actually watched "Pirates of the Caribbean 2" but I didn't see anything new. Every scene in the film was predictable and done before. All the imagery was borrowed from past iconic movies. The "Disney ride" scenes were forced and even when they tried to be deceiving, they were still predictable. Let me give you "big Hollywood types" a hint about us little people out here, we're not as dumb as you think. When the camera is in extreme close-up mode and you give us a scene we recognize, it is absolutely guaranteed that when you pan back, it will show an "unexpected" surprise and we will all be fooled and get a cheap laugh... "Oh my, I wasn't expecting that, I thought it would be that scene from the ride." DUHHH who do these people think they are fooling? Half way through the movie Becca is nudging me and pointing out continuity errors or "BS Moments" as I like to call them. Yeah, I do it all the time but these monkeys couldn't even fool a 9-year-old child.
The whole movie felt cheap and thrown together at the last minute. When they spend that much money and anyone I know could have done a better job, it's bad. It was no where as entertaining as the first one. And you know it takes a lot for me to say that I like a big, mainstream film. Pirates1 was very good and I liked it. If they had made Pirates2 first, the series would be doomed. Ask Eddie Murphy if they are planning on making "Haunted Mansion 2".
Pirates2 followed standard trilogy plotline. Let me outline the basic premise and ask you, did the writers just superimpose their characters over the "Empire Strikes Back" script?
The love interests from the previous movie are separated, rescue/battle adventure follows. We are introduced to the hero's father who is a minion of evil but still has a heart for his son. Hero vows to save his father. Hero's love interest may be falling for the "bad-boy"-hero and they share a quiet screen moment before he is taken away in what we have to assume is death but we know it isn't because there is a third movie coming. The close of the film is everyone vowing to rescue the bad-boy-hero, things are tense and unresolved between hero and love interest.
Just substitute: Luke=Will, Leia=Elizabeth, Han Solo=Jack Sparrow (Hell, they're both Captains and both pirates) and just for fun, R2-D2 and C-3PO=the 2 bumbling pirates with the false eye.
Teresa insists that Elizabeth isn't "falling" for Jack and that it was just to trick him but I say with that scene and the compass scene on the beach, there's more to it.
Pirates3 will be infected with Muppets if they follow the Luca$ template.
I know sequels rarely live up to the original and I really don't give new movies a chance but I expected more out of this one. I WANTED more out of this one. The only upcoming sequel that looks like it will be worse than this one is "Clerks2". The Kevin Smith realm has been invaded by late-comers and posers. "Clerks" was a great film for what it was and more importantly, WHEN it was. You can't recapture that now that every dickhead with a HI-8 is making movies. With the micro-technology world gone bezerk, I've seen a lot of the "un-scored" Clerks2 production dailies. I was a huge Kevin Smith fanboy. I still am I just realize that even if Clerks2 turns out to be good, he still shouldn't have gone there. Anyone that doesn't see that, well, you're who he made this abomination for.
Wednesday, 7-5-6
Cynical? Yeah but what are you gonna do about it?
I'm sitting here in Apalachicola and there is NOTHING to do tonight. I'm sitting here watching TV and the 20 minutes of TV I saw reinforced my reasons not to watch TV in the first place.
There was an ad on the Spanish channel. It had a businessman hailing a taxi in the rain. He kept shifting his briefcase out of the rain but it was getting wet no matter where he put it. Just about the time the taxi shows up, a woman and her young child are standing there. He looks up and offers the taxi to them. The announcer says something that I'm sure breaks down to "Doing a nice deed can feel good" or something like that.
It was effective, cute and nice. Even in a foreign language I understood what they were getting at. The problem was that I don't think the way they tell me I should think. As the man was closing the door and the cab pulled away I thought it would be great if the guy turned around and found that the woman and kid had swiped his suitcase. What the hell's wrong with me?
They try to tell you to look at the glass as half empty of half full. I don't see it either of those ways.
When I'm in a good mood, the glass is neither half full nor half empty; the glass is too big and we should be happy that we have any at all.
When I'm in a bad mood, it doesn't matter if it's half full or half empty; the liquid inside will kill you with only 3 drops anyway.
MythBusters just showed us that nothing will sufficiently mess with police radar guns. They tried a lot of different things, tin foil, reflectors, chaff and nothing worked. They even tried the magnetron from a microwave oven. It didn't do anything significant and they called the myth "busted" and it was so.
I tried something similar a bunch of years ago. (By the way, it is illegal and I do not recommend this) I pulled the microwave transmitter from an old motion detector and mounted it on my dashboard. I turned it on in the driveway while parked behind Teresa's car and it made her radar detector beep so loud and fast that it almost smoked it! So I rigged a switch so that I could turn it on and off whenever I wanted. I "never used it on cops" but it was a lot of fun to be driving at night on I-10 and watch the Camaro or Corvette or whatever come up behind me at 90+ and go screaming by me. I'd wait about 3 seconds and hit the switch. It may look nice going from zero to 60 in "2.whatever" seconds but it looks downright goofy when the rear end of a Corvette rises up about 3 feet when it tries to go from 90 to 60 in zero seconds...
They call Apalachicola "The Forgotten Coast". I completely understand that. There is no reason to remember this place at all. It sucks. The run-down shops have new wood-carved signs and everything has a fresh coat of paint. "Bob's Diner" has become "Roberto's Cafe" and there are five antique shops in a 6 block radius. Oh sure, if you like fishing or boating I'm sure it's nice. Beaches, dive sites, all nice. But what is there to do around here? Nothing; and I have proof. There is a local paper here and the front article is about what to do here in July. It admits that there are very few things to do but offers one suggestion.
Over in Port St. Joe's (Strike 1; it's not even here in town) there is a real estate company and a construction company that have teamed up to create an air conditioned living space that you can go and visit. 3772 square feet of "magnificent" living space that you can visit (Strike 2: it's a freaking open house for a new development!!!) The exciting part is that half of the proceeds will go to the Sacred Heart Health System (Strike 3, sit down, next batter; I have to PAY for them to try and sell me a house?) This is what they offer for entertainment in Apalachicola. I'd rather go to a movie... if there were a theatre anywhere around here.
My FAA contact just told me that most of the little towns like this actually have legislation on the books keeping chain restaurants out of the area. I just thought the major chains were tired of having to rebuild the restaurant every year after hurricane season. There's nothing but "Mom & Pop" type places. I guess it adds to that ambiance that allows overcharging by 30%. We drove around last night looking for a place to eat and had the options of eating at "Harry A's" or "BJ's Pizza". I am not kidding. Can you imagine a T-shirt that says, "I had the tossed salad at Harry A's"? I really should be in marketing don't you think?
Sitting here listening to music and I found myself tapping along with the remix of "Sometimes When We Touch" and wondering how the hell it found it's way into my iPod. Just about then Bill says, "Dude, I didn't know you were gay". Ha-ha very funny. Now that he's done being a jerk, I listened to it again and again just to piss him off. Singing along and humming it all day long. Of course, he says the same thing when I listen to classical music. Listening to "gay" music makes me gay just as much as listening to gospel makes me Christian. Actually, given the choice between those two...
And just what the hell is "gay music" anyway? Village People? RuPaul? Any dance/trance music with a pulse? I'll decide if I like it according to the music, not according to who sings it. Except for RuPaul, I don't like his music. I've listened to enough of it to know. Teresa says it's just not Christmas until she hears "I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus" but I just can't stand all the "Oh honey!" dialog stuff. Nothing against RuPaul or anyone that speaks that style, it's just not for me. Slayer is one of my all-time favorite bands but if Tom Araya came out on stage and said, "Oh honey, check me out, bling bling!" I'd get up there and kick him in the nuts and punch him square in the nose... repeatedly... with a brick... and he'd thank me for it later.
There is an exception to every rule and I even have an exception to the RuPaul rule. I am actively searching out one of his songs and can not find it. Henry Rollins and RuPaul did a duet cover of "Funkytown". Henry described the recording session and the intro is all about them riding into Funkytown on a motorcycle. It sounded really funny when he was describing it and I want to hear it but he also said that it was shelved because it was recorded for a compilation CD that was never released.
Traffic bitching; part One Billion and one...
Driving home to Jacksonville from Homestead. I'm paying $13 on this toll road to avoid Miami-Ft. Lauderdale rush-hour traffic. We're at bumper-bumper stand-still and I'm paying for it instead of doing the same thing on I-95.
New rule; When a toll road is running underspeed, the tolls are decreased or even eliminated during that period of time.
Another idea, I want to get some of those magnetic signs that contractors put on their trucks made up. I want them in 8" circles and painted like targets with the words, "I drive like shit, aim here". I'll be able to toss them at cars in traffic that deserve it. With all the ribbons and bumper stickers these people have on their cars, I doubt they'll ever notice it's on there.
Watching The History Channel and they are going on about NORAD and Cheyenne Mountain etc... While they are talking about the nuclear scares of 1979 and 1980, they point out, in an overly dramatic fashion, that the whole reason we almost ended up in WWIII was because of a 43¢ computer chip. They show a picture of the chip and make it sound like such a big deal. It's my job to point things like this out and over-dramaticize. The History Channel is supposed to show history. I'm the one you love because I make all the ignorant and slanted statements. You get a cheap laugh and at the same time you get to feel smarter because I'm blurting out all the BS and you're reading it and thinking about how uninformed and stupid I am. It works better this way. Leave the manipulation to me.
This is how it works:
They have a show and they tell me that the computer chip is the reason the system failed;
I watch it and then I babble here about a 43¢ computer chip sending us into nuclear Hell;
You read it and laugh at me pointing out that of course the smallest part broke, it was the weakest link. Each chain is only as strong as its weakest link. You're not going to hear about systems failing because of its strongest component. It's always the little "insignificant" things that get you. "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse".
If they make all the stupid statements without me, then you don't need me and you can just go and watch the History Channel and get a laugh. Then what do I do with this?
Saturday, 7-1-6
OH, OH! He's actually updating on time!!!!
Mt. Rushmore
I just scratched it off of my list of cool things I want to see. Oh sure, it looks good in all the promotional shots and if I could climb it and hang like a booger out of Lincoln's nose, maybe I'll go but for now, not really on my list anymore. Why? Because I just saw an aerial shot of the area. In the halls of these FAA sites they have pictures of the airport being built, pictures if AF1 ever landed here, maybe the Blue Angels or Thunderbirds. In Sanford they have pictures of Wesley Snipes filming "Passenger 57" there. On the other side of the hall is a bunch of pictures like that but signed by these pilots. The pictures are from anywhere, like a movie star carrying around glossy photos to sign and hand out to fans. The coolest one I saw was a signed Blue Angels picture flying above NYC with the WTC in the background dated 09-03-2001. There is another one of them flying above Mt. Rushmore. At first I couldn't tell what it was. It looked just like any regular mountain scene. It was only on the 5th or 6th time I walked past it that I noticed the faces carved on the rock. The first thing I noticed was that it was ugly-looking compared to al the surrounding mountains. Not because of the faces, they were barely noticeable. The problem was the HUGE pile of rubble at the base of the mountain. All the other mountains had a few rocks, trees, brush and such but the front side of Mt. Rushmore has no trees and it completely covered with the rocks from the carving. It looks like a big gravel parking lot! The faces on the mountain aren't so impressively large and to see that this guy never even picked up after himself? Well, I'm not too terribly impressed anymore.
Last week Heffner and I were driving around playing the "Where's the Beef" game. (¿Donde esta la carne?) NO, that's not a gay thing... That's Miami/Ft. Lauderdale's favorite game. They hide all the restaurants and the tourists try to find one before starving to death. I'm over trying the local cuisine thing. I've been here much too long to do the tourist thing, I just want a steak. Nope, in the spirit of our ancestors, you must hunt for your food and conquer it. The entire southeast coast of Florida from Jupiter to the Keys is one BIG city. Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, W. Palm... One big city; with no chain restaurants. None that they want you to know about. They hide them far beyond the highways and they never post billboards. The only place to eat is the "City" Alehouse chain and you can get sick of them pretty quickly. Yesterday I spotted an Outback but it's in the middle of a residential neighborhood with emphasis on "hood". I'm not going to die for a porterhouse.
So, with the lack of restaurants, Heffner and I landed at "Joel's Steakhouse". I didn't think it was going to be a very good experience because the place is 15' wide and sandwiched in between a hair salon and a shoe store. As we entered, we thought we had interrupted a private party or something. The place was 80% full and every person in the place was Jewish. I turned to Heffner and said, "We're the only white people here" and he got the Animal House reference (that's why he's cool to hang out with, he has the same humor and reference points as I do) During our entire stay there (almost 2 hours!) I was only able to spot 4 people in the coming and going crowd of 50 or so, that did not have a yarmulke or a Star of David or another Jewish symbol on them and that included infants. We sat down and looked at the menu; $25 for a 5oz sirloin? This can't be right. I ordered the burger. For $15 it better be good but there was no way I was ordering the $32 steak, not here. Under appetizers they had Babaganoush. I had heard the word before but never knew what it meant. Hell, I never even knew it was a food, I thought it was just a name. It turned out to be pita with a dip-spread served with cold beans, corn, lettuce and stuff. We've dubbed them "Jewish Tacos".
After 20 minutes and still no food (and barely any contact from the waitress) my burger arrives. I finish the burger and 2 more Cokes (served in cans at $2 each) before Heffner's steak comes out. $32 and it looks (and tastes) like something from a Denny's. He chokes it down and we can't wait to get out of there. They really wanted us to stay I guess because it took FOREVER to get the check and then even longer to get it paid. It was one of the only times that I actually spoke to the waitress about how bad everything was rather than letting the tip speak for me. It was one of the worst dining experiences I've had in a long time.
So, in our drunken revelry later that evening, we narrated world history a little more like this: (Do your best newsreel announcer voice. A bad Howard Cosell imitation will do but Heffner had me rolling with his announcer voice)
"The year is 1920. A young man named Adolf Hitler is strolling through Ft. Lauderdale walking his puppy, picking flowers and singing with the birds. He is full of happiness, joy and a love for his fellow human beings. He stops at a local diner for a quick meal and endures the hardships we have just witnessed here at Joel's Diner. When the waitress finally asks how was the meal, Adolf replies, "It was so bad that I now feel a need to kill you, your family, indeed; your entire race."
So here it is, world events being shaped and molded by a seemingly benign diner that actually belongs as a pit-stop on the road to Hell. A restaurant so bad that it caused the Holocaust. Tasteless for sure but we were drunk and it was funny.
Is it sleep deprivation that helps me see better or do these people only seek me out when I am already tired and frustrated?
10' wide hallway with a 3' door in it. 2 men stop to discuss lunch IN THE DOORWAY!!! If they moved 2' to either side I could get by. They are worried that hot dogs won't work because they'll need to get Kosher hot dogs for one of the guys. They call another guy on the Nextel to check. He says it will be OK but then goes into a nice long discussion about the 8 hot dogs/10 buns routine. I'm not able to eat lunch today because I'm too busy working. Any sustenance I get today will be out of a vending machine. A Snickers bar and an A&W root beer are not my first choice but they're all I've got. I'm standing here listening to this and my laptop bag is getting heavier and heavier. One of the guys saw me when I walked up and has refused to move. I'll bet that if I took my screwdriver out of my bag, jumped on him and drove it deep into his temple while singing "Alexander's Ragtime Band" at the top of my lungs, the other guy might move out of my way and I could get back to work. Maybe. I hurdle past them and go around the corner into the next hall and who should I bump into? Mr. 80-hot-dog-comedian on the Nextel. He's thirty feet from the rest of the discussion standing alone in the hall. Can I get by him without body-checking him into the wall? Yes, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...
That's if I can get by the crew of Siamese triplets on the stairwell. Never heard of Siamese triplets? The PC-police can go fuck themselves. I'm not calling them "conjoined" just so a few Siamese people won't feel offended. Where is Siam? Isn't that modern-day Thailand? The only place in the world businessmen fly to have sex with 11-year-old-boys (other than the Neverland Ranch) Fuck'em. The last Siamese person I ever gave a shit about was Yul Brenner! Siamese Triplets are the people that have to walk side-by-side while going up a flight of stairs. Never mind that my arms are full of test gear and I've got 150 pounds of computer and equipment strapped to my back, just take your time and have a leisure stroll up the stairs while I stand aside on the middle landing letting you walk by.
3 hours later, as if to make my day all better, some guy held the door for me. My hands and arms were empty this time, it was an interior door that doesn't lock and I was 75' away! Now I feel obligated to break into a trot just to catch this door that posed no threat to me whatsoever. If I were carrying anything heavier than my car keys, it would have been nice of him. If it were a door that I had to enter a code to get through, it would have been nice of him. If I were 10' away, it would have been nice of him. But as it stands, it was stupid of him and he shouldn't be allowed to work near aircraft. He needs to be put to work at a Wal-Mart. There he can open doors for people all day long.
Flipping through the channels in the hotel and came across some Sci-Fi show. I only saw 10 minutes or so and I was not impressed. It looked kind of crappy but there was one scene that stuck with me. They were going to wipe this little girl's brain of memories. The doctor was telling her that they were going to make her forget her mommy and that mommy would forget her and there would be no more pain. I didn't watch enough of the show to know why this was necessary but that's what I saw. The doctor was a shitty actress but the little girl really struck a chord. She was crying and begging her not to do it and she really looked convincing. I don't know the name of the show (and it was so bad that I don't care to know) but I hope this little girl gets better acting parts. She was pretty good. OK, maybe she wasn't that good and I just really miss being home and able to be with Becca. Either way, that little girl kept me awake long after I turned the TV off with her cries of, "No, No, I don't believe you; my mommy would never forget me."
The other thing that kept me awake was the party upstairs. I was on the 1st floor of the hotel and there were a lot of people and some music on the 2nd floor. I was trying to get some sleep because I had to work that night too so I laid down around 7p and had to be back out by 9p. The partying kept me bouncing in and out of sleep. At 9, I got up and went to work. At 3am I came back in and it was almost just as bad. The bass just carried through the ceiling and directly into my brain. I was exhausted and had to be up by 6:30. I got about 45 minutes of sleep in 3 days.
With the extra load of peoples and the summer months coming, the bills are getting worse and we may have to move out of the house to break even but I'll never live in an apartment. Ever! Not with that happening every night. I used to think how silly it was for these people on TV to bang on their ceiling and yell at the neighbors. "Just ignore it", I'd think to myself. "What are these people causing such a scene for? People upstairs are going to cause a little noise, just live with it." Well, I've been through it now and you can NOT ignore it. Now I know why every time one of my friends moved into or our of an apartment why I had to lug all their stuff up and down 3 flights of stairs; because downstairs living sucks.
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Last Updated: 05/10/07 11:56 a