Most of you have heard me rant and rave about the simplest things.  I have the solution to everything and the world will be better off when it starts listening to me.  Because I know that it is a foolish plan to think that one day, the entire world will turn to me and ask my advice, I will have to give my advice BY FORCE!  And when my advice is implemented by force, it is really no longer advice but mandates, rules… laws if you will.

Yes, I am planning a revolution.
Thomas Jefferson (or someone like him) said that all forms of government should be overthrown every 200 years to keep them honest (or something like that).
We are a little overdue.

So am I planning a coup on Tallahassee?  No!  Washington DC?  No!  Then what am I planning?

The same thing we plan every night Pinky…  To take over the world!!!!!  NARF!

In my fantastical delusion, I realize that foreign policy is a pain in the ass and relations with other leaders are difficult to maintain so I must enforce my rule over the entire planet.

I am Christopher, the First Emperor of Earth!

 Don’t ask how.  I know that no moistened bint is going to lob a scimitar at me.  I mean really, strange women lying about in ponds distributing swords in no basis for a system of government...  And I know that no one is going to walk up and say, “Here you go Chris; it’s your turn to run the world”.  So I imagine it will have to be forceful.  Some kind of military operation or mind control ray.  Whichever I can get a hold of first.  So for now we’ll skip this “how” part.

I will maintain control by allowing current leaders to remain in their positions and run the planet as it is currently run, only now they will report to me.  I will make a grand tour and deal with the local administrators one on one.  (Read: I'm too lazy to figure out how to RUN the world domination so I'll just use the Grand Moff Tarken solution).
For the most part, the world runs as it is, my rules will be implemented and soon, change will happen; everything will be perfect.  Muslims and Christians will embrace each other, east coast rappers will love west coast rappers, puppies will sleep with kittens and Eliza Doolittle will learn to speak proper English.

I will post cabinet members as I see fit as well as change these cabinets’ sphere of control as problems arise.  (Read: I get to make things up as I go along)  All controlling interests in any and all cabinet posts shall never total more than 48%.  The Emperor (that's me) shall maintain 52% controlling interest the universe at all times.  The sole purpose for this is for me to maintain veto power over my henchmen.  Trust me, this is for the best, you don’t want Freddy making rules concerning religion…

 ‘Do what thou will’ shall be the whole of the law.
‘Accept the consequences of your actions’ shall be the only repercussions.

Mandates are in no particular order other than when they entered my head.  Click ahead for a listing of my commandments.  Obey them or suffer the consequences!

Back

Last Updated: 12/18/06 09:39 PM