March 2005

Tuesday, 3-29-5

Sleep is highly overrated. I just spent a week at festival with little to no sleep and had an incredible time. I can sleep any time. How often do I get to sit up all night talking with friends or drumming around a fire with some of the best drummers on the circuit? Not often enough is the answer to that. Not often enough.
The drum has finally come to me. I've been waiting for a long time for it. Every time I was in a position to buy the drum, something would happen and the money would be needed elsewhere. Finally the time came for the drum to go home with me. I bought it from Panther Friday night just after dinner.
There were 3 bands playing in the pavilion that night and the drumming at the circle would follow immediately after. The night ends the same way every time. Dreamtrybe plays last and the last song they play is always "Come Down". It has a very distinctive drum beat and they call up the community drummers to play with them while anyone in the crowd also plays along. All these drummers pounding away on djembes while the band plays. Very cool. From there they walk down to the fire circle and the drumming begins.
The band announces they have 2 songs left and I finally talk myself into going to get my drum from the tent. I'm sitting there waiting to play from my seat and as the last song starts, Cephlian comes off the stage to grab me and pulls me in front of the band. I was nervous because I hadn't played this drum yet and wasn't so sure I was any good. Hand drumming is very different from sitting behind my drum set. 2 seconds in and I'm an expert. I fell right in and played like I had been playing all my life. I was really happy about that being my first experience with my new drum.

The kitchen ran fine. Some people were irritated because we weren't Burger King but we did our best to keep everyone fed and as happy as possible. I learned a little about how some people are very into how their food is prepared and won't eat in restaurants because the cooks may be angry or depressed, putting negative energy into the foods. I'll have to look deeper into that but it did make me smile a lot more and I tried to keep positive while preparing the meals after that conversation.
Next event I think I'll be able to pull off the shopping myself so Dianne won't have to worry about it. We'll see how that goes. There's also talk about doing away with kitchen staff and having a third party handle it. Whatever works best for the community. After all the shopping we do and comping in at least 6 people to run the kitchen, catering just might be cheaper.

Becca came out on Wednesday night. Aside from checking in with me, I almost never saw her. She found a group of kids and ran all over the site. There was so much for the kids to do that she was never bored or lonely. She also slept like a rock. She volunteered to help out and was put to work in the kitchen. She felt so natural there that she even spoke up at village council.

Village council is a Sunday morning open-meeting held at the kitchen pavilion where Wade gives a brief on the good and the bad from the event. When he is done, anyone from the community can come forward and pick up the talking stick and speak their mind. I was cleaning the kitchen and was facing away from the crowd but I was still listening. (Lots to clean up in the kitchen) After some people had come up and talked about cleaning the site, helping out with random tasks, not aggravating the kitchen staff and such, I hear a little voice talking about how "kids can help out too and that they should even though most of them didn't this time. We're here to help AND to have fun." It was Becca standing there with the talking stick. She was so comfortable that she got up in front of 150 - 200 people to make a point. Mommy and Daddy were so proud.

Teresa also seemed to have a great time. She came out Friday night. She got many, many, many compliments on the outfit she wore to the concerts. It was the same thing she wore to the ren-faire but she wore the top part properly this time... She always feels so shy around people. To see her open up during festival makes me want to live there. I love seeing her in a social atmosphere where she feels confident. Everyone loves Teresa, she just doesn't know it. Just ask her about the raspberry. She still blushes on that one. Our next goal is to get Teresa out there the whole week. It's a much different feel when you are part of it from set up to break down. It feels like forever and when that week comes to an end, you want to cry.

It rained on Saturday night and they were expecting hail and tornadoes at midnight. We all (Me, Teresa, Thom, Kate, Zephyr and Scarlett) sat in the screen room of Teresa's new tent and drank mass quantities of mead. (I love that stuff!) Around 11, the rain stopped and the drummers came out. We emerged from the tent to "check out" the drummers for a few minutes. The rains never came back and I came to bed around 4am.

Teresa and Becca left Sunday afternoon and I stayed over until Monday morning so I could finish packing up the kitchen. After most of the work was done I got cleaned up and went back to the tent for a break. I hear Teresa's voice calling me from outside the tent even though she left 3 hours ago. She got home and got the messages on the machine and drove all the way back out to tell me that my father was going in for emergency surgery. After a few phone calls I talked to him and found out that he is OK and having his gall bladder removed. That man is running out of parts. He had his kidney taken out last year.
He told me he was in a hospital in California. He's not, he just didn't want me to drop everything and run down there. While I was on the phone, arrangements were being made to take care of my stuff so that I could just leave without it if I had to.
He went in around 6pm Monday and was in recovery by 9. He's doing alright. Thank you all for your thoughts.

We had an incredible week and the culture shock of coming back into the "real" world is a little disheartening. I spent a week in a world where anything I had belonged to everyone else too. Where I would stop and help people I've never met just because they looked like they might need some help. My child ran free for hours at a time and I never worried where she was.
Now I'm back in reality where I lock up my stuff and fear for my life when I stop to help someone. My child goes nowhere without me knowing exactly where, when and with who. Even then, I worry.
Last week if I saw any trash on the ground I stopped to pick it up. This week I find myself having to step over most of it on the street because picking it all up would be a 24/7 job.
Only 7 months until Autumn Meet. I already wish I was there.

Thursday, 3-17-5

I'm a little conflicted this morning. I encountered a paradox last night that I have yet to solve.
Any one who knows me will swear that they based Eric Cartman from South Park straight off of me. Every time a new episode airs, one of my friends will say, "Dude, that is SO like you!". That is not always a good thing. Cartman represents all the "evil little bastard" that is still in me.
Last night, on the new episode, Cartman wanted to eradicate all the "drum circle hippies". He says the only thing that will rid South Park of the hippie infestation is the band "Slayer". He plays "Raining Blood" (my second favorite song by my all-time favorite band) and all the hippies leave.

I am a drum circle hippie (in training) but I love Slayer.
Will my love of the drum circle make me turn against Slayer?
Is my love of Slayer preventing me from fully enjoying drum circle?
Am I Cartman?
Is Cartman me?
If a train left Chicago at 8:42am traveling at a constant speed of...
AHHH! I just can't handle all these questions!

I have a very definite "Cartman" side to me. (EVERYONE does, I just show mine a little more than most.) I keep trying to fight against the Cartman but it's those traits that define me to those around me. If I succeed in becoming a more tolerant person, effectively killing the Cartman inside me, than who am I? I won't be the same person I am now. Am I ready to evolve?
If I asked my friends and family if they wanted me to change, I'm sure the answer would be a resounding, "YES!". But are they sure? Will they still love me if I'm not the cut-up I am now? Will they even know who I am? Sure, I take things too far. I've done many horrible things. But they define me as me and for the most part, I like me. Most of the more heinous traits have already been eliminated. There are more things I'd like to change but I can't lose ALL of the negativity or I'll lose my identity.

The Ides of March

Bernie Ebbers has been convicted. I may just take the rest of the day off and have a little party. Sentencing is June 13th. I guess it's bad Karma to wish bad things on people and I'm trying to be better about that kind of stuff so I'll just hope he gets what he deserves. Does it count against me if I have a definite schedule of events I think he deserves? I've got the next 85 years planned out to the minute for him. Good thing I'm not in charge. Too bad he'll only do a few years in a "white-collar" prison.

Off of the negativity and on to bigger and better things. The festival is fast-approaching. I'm looking forward to it. I think I'm almost prepared for it. City-Girl Teresa and I went shopping for gear. She says if she's going to go camping on a regular basis, I'd have to buy some gear. My old tent leaked so now I have a new one, stuff like that. I'll be out there all week, she'll be there 2 nights. Hey, I'm not complaining. I wanted a new tent anyway.
I'm hoping the kitchen runs smoothly this time. We can't seem to stay on top of how many people are eating vs. how much food we have. We lose money when we cook too much and lose our reputation when we run out of food. Still trying to find a more efficient way of accounting for that within the confines of not offending anyone by doing away with the honor-system. I don't think it's possible.

Poker. I think I'm giving up the game. I can't win anymore. For the last 3 months I've consistently lost money. We played again Sunday night and I lost money. The slump only gets worse because after I start to lose, I start screwing around and lose more money. It's the cards. I don't get them and on the rare occasion I do get them, I don't play them. I'll throw in a flush or something silly. I think it's because I haven't been drinking while playing recently. I know I play better drunk. Either I play better or everyone else plays worse because I generally leave the table with an empty bottle and a full sack of coin. One more reason for me to start drinking more I guess...

Friday, 3-4-5

Everything comes back into fashion they say. A few years back everyone tried to bring back bell-bottoms and trippy stuff from the 60's. And I personally blame grunge rock on the 70's. Now the 80's are coming back. Teresa bought 3 or 4 of those self contained game systems that hold all the old Atari games in them. I've been resisting the call of the retro but I gave up this week.
It started in December. For Christmas I bought a video game called "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City" for my Xbox. Most of you know it. For those that don't, GTA is a first-person game that lets you become a criminal. Lie, cheat, steal, kill. Basic all-around goodness. Vice City is a version of GTA set in Miami in the 80's. Ferraris, Lamborghinis, coke dealers, cell phones the size of briefcases, very Miami Vice.
Video games have come such a long way in graphics, sound, action. It's getting very realistic looking. Every company is looking to dazzle everyone with higher quality and the game play in GTA:VC is no exception. EXCEPT, when you turn on the game and the company intro plays. Normally a very polished and amazing 30 second display of 3-D graphics and surround sound comes up showing you who made the game.

On this one, you just hear a keyboard clicking and a beep. A second later the blue Commodore-64 screen pops up. (Anyone old enough to remember when your computer gave you a blue screen and it was a GOOD thing?) The keyboard clicks away and the text runs out,
LOAD "VICE CITY",8,1
[Press play on tape]
RUN
The screen flashes different colors, the video game company's logo appears but is all pixilated and the familiar sounds of early video gaming emanate from the system.

Very cool! The game then goes into normal mode, high-tech and all but that little intro screen makes me happy. Even though I'm a big enough nerd to know that you don't put ,8,1 to load from tape. The ,8 tells it to look in the disk drive. But it wouldn't have been near as cool without the ,8,1. So, I thought a little retro visit would be enough and I wouldn't get sucked into buying any more 80's crap. I was wrong.

The other night we were hanging out with some friends and he had to show me this new video game. He turns on the Xbox and says, "you're gonna love this, it's sick and twisted just like you". I'm expecting some shoot-em-up type game or medieval dungeon torture chamber.
You know what came on? Leisure Suit Larry. You've got to be kidding me. We've come all this way with virtual reality and mega pixels and we bring back Larry Laffer? My friend refused to believe that I had played this before. I told him I was playing this game 20 years ago! I played a little bit and although the 3-D graphics and sound are improved, it's the same type of game. This time it's Larry's nephew but it's the same game action. I couldn't believe they made this for modern game systems. It's available on PS2, Xbox and as a PC game. So, after playing for a few minutes and acting incredulous that Leisure Suit Larry is still around, we went home.

Last night I stopped on the way home and bought it. It was available a little cheaper on eBay but that would have taken too long. I'm hooked again. I've wasted countless hours as a kid trying to see video game boobs and now it looks like I'm still on the same quest. Only this time I'm not 12, I'm 32. Boobs are available to me 24/7 now, on VHS, DVD and occasionally IRL (in real life). But I paid $50 to play a game every night until dawn in the hopes to see poorly drawn video game boobs. Sad isn't it?

Friday, 3-4-5

The new Star Wars trailer is being released in theatres on Friday the 11th. It will air a day early on Thursday night during an episode of "The O.C."
I'm conflicted on what to do. My draw towards Star Wars tells me to watch the show like I watch the Super Bowl, commercials only. I have to see this trailer NOW! My contempt for network TV tells me to blow it off and wait. I'll either go see a movie that weekend or I'll be inundated with the trailer the following week anyway.

At that point I realize I'm being too hard on George Luca$. I'm expecting too much from him. Of course he's advertising during a show that attracts a young demographic, because he KNOWS all of us "old people" have made up our minds already. We are either going or not going and no advertising will change our minds.
We mostly fall into 3 categories.

Those that hate Star Wars. This group includes those that loved 4, 5 and 6 but have turned on the franchise due to 1 and 2. (Some may include 6 with 1 and 2.)

Those that love Star Wars. These people can turn a blind eye towards Jar-Jar Binks and see through the bad acting as long as they can hear the squeal of a light saber. Many of these people will be in costume and sleep in line for tickets.

The 3rd category is those people that don't care. They may have an opinion, they may not. But I'll bet you a vast majority of people who grew up with Star Wars fall into one of the first two categories. If they haven't already formed an opinion, they just might be the type that sits at home and watches "The Gilmore Girls", "American Idol" and "The O.C."

Onward to April 2005 Back to Updates